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Episode 251: Why “Getting Too Attached” Makes You a Great Foster Parent (w/ Caitlyn Baten)

By October 21, 2024The Forgotten Podcast

“I couldn’t become a foster parent because I’d get too attached.”

This is a sentiment we’ve heard many times from those considering foster care.

We know that foster care is full of the good and the hard; both beauty and brokenness. Overcoming our fears and holding space for both of these things is no easy task. And in my guest’s experience, the fear of getting too attached is the very thing that makes you a good candidate to become a foster parent.

Caitlyn Baten has been married to her best friend, Tim, for six years. She’s an adoptive and foster mom, is passionate about advocacy and ethical storytelling, and is a devoted follower of Christ. Caitlyn spent most of her professional career in the counter-trafficking space and now works for Buckner International where she comes alongside churches and engages them in the domestic and international work they do.

In this episode, Caitlyn shares her honest experience of becoming a foster parent, why becoming attached to a whole family is important, practical advice for preparing for visits with biological parents, and the importance of giving yourself space for heavy emotions when a child reunifies.

TAKEAWAYS FROM TODAY’S CONVERSATION:

1. Foster care is hard.

Is foster care hard? Absolutely. But this doesn’t negate the beautiful aspects of the journey. Just because we have to walk through tough days or the emotional heartache when we say goodbye, this doesn’t mean it isn’t the right thing to do.

“Just because something is hard doesn’t mean it is bad.”

2. Give yourself time to grieve.

We should get “too attached” to the children in our care! This is part of what makes us a safe and healing place for them. But we also need to give ourselves time to grieve – grieve feeling empty space in your home, grieve in some cases your loss of identity, and grieve to prepare before you open your home again.

“It felt like we were grieving a death because this person we loved was no longer in our home or in our lives. I think the grieving process is necessary for foster parents so that you can fully prepare yourself for the next child.”

3. The needs of biological parents matter.

It’s important to recognize that we are all partners in this. Biological parents, agency workers, judges, foster parents—we all want what is best for the child. Caitlyn shares that there are many ways we can support biological parents, but it can be as simple as making sure to send them photos of their children whenever possible or encouraging them. It may be hard to know that the child we are caring for will only be with us for a season, but it means the world to their parents to know their children are safe and loved.

“You are still mom, we are just doing this together. We are doing this as a team.”

SPREAD THE WORD!

We hope this episode has helped you wherever you are on your foster care journey. That’s the goal! If so, will you tell others?

Share this post or rate the podcast on Apple Podcasts (or wherever you listen) and leave us a brief review

Meet Our Guest

Caitlyn Baten is a foster and adoptive mom who spent most of her professional career in the counter-trafficking space. She now works for Buckner International where she comes alongside churches and engages them in the domestic and international work they do. Caitlyn lives in Texas with her husband, Tim, and two children who have been adopted from foster care.

Foster Parents, check with your agency to see if listening to this podcast will count toward your foster care training hours!

 

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