Does this sound familiar to you? The child in your care comes home from school and after having a snack and telling you about their day, you sit down to help them with their homework. In an instant, it’s like you have an entirely different child. They throw themselves on the floor in rage or even check out entirely at the mere mention of homework.
Or maybe you receive what feels like daily calls from their school updating you about something that happened during the day or asking you to come pick them up early.
These are just a couple of many scenarios you may find yourself in when caring for a child who has experienced trauma. It can feel like all the tactics you’ve learned or used in the past don’t work anymore. My guest today can relate!
Cherilyn Orr has a background in education spanning from the pre-school to university level along with extensive professional development in trauma-informed care. Launched out of her own need as a parent to help her children, Cherilyn developed the Stoplight Approach which simplifies complex brain science into a common language to transform relationships. She is a mother to many—three biological, four adopted, and multiple children through foster care.
In this episode, you’ll learn what is going on inside your child’s brain in these chaotic moments, what the Stoplight Approach is, and some practical tools for trauma-informed care to add to your toolbelt.
- [BOOK] Signals: How Brain Science and the Bible Help Parents Raise Resilient Children
- Follow The Stoplight Approach on their website, Instagram, or Facebook
- Give to The Forgotten Initiative
- Foster Care & the Church
TAKEAWAYS FROM TODAY’S CONVERSATION:
1. You need new tools.
The tools you have used with securely attached children often won’t work with children who have experienced trauma. Whether you are an educator, case worker, or foster parent, you need different tools to understand and address what this child uniquely needs.
“You do everything you would normally do and it’s not working. You send them to their room for a time out and they rip the room apart. What worked for your securely attached child just doesn’t work.”
2. Move toward connection.
When a child’s brain is in the “red,” you’ll notice that they are on edge or may even disassociate. This is because their brains are telling them that they are in danger. Our response needs to start by moving them toward connection before we can address the problem.
“The only way out of that brain space is to feel safe.”
3. It starts with you.
This is so important! We can’t help a child through the Stoplight Approach if we are not in control of our own emotions. Before we can walk a child from red to yellow and eventually to green, we first have to take ourselves there! Just learning these methods isn’t enough; we need to practice it.
“If I want to help my child get to green, then I have to be in green.”
Meet Our Guest
Cherilyn Orr is an educational consultant, trainer, coach, and resource developer. Born out of her own need as a parent to help her children, Cherilyn developed the Stoplight Approach which simplifies complex brain science into a common language to transform relationships. She has been an educator from pre-school to the university level for 35 years. She is a mother to many – three biological, four adopted, and multiple children through foster care.
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