Episode 302: Working Together to Build Resilience (w/ Mary McMillan)

In this episode of The Forgotten Podcast, host Jami Kaeb welcomes back Dr. Mary Ann McMillan, a former foster youth, adoptee, author, speaker, and follower of Christ. Rejoining the show after previously sharing her story on Episode 243, Dr. Mary Ann dives deep into the concept of resilience—a word frequently used to describe adoptees and former foster youth. She redefines resilience not as a rigid expectation to tough things out or be strong alone, but as an ongoing, lifelong journey of choosing to heal, accepting weakness, and allowing oneself to be soft.

Dr. Mary Ann opens up about the pressure of feeling forced to live up to the “strong” label throughout her life, which often made her feel like a failure whenever she experienced normal human emotions. She discusses how therapy and her faith helped her embrace her tender, empathetic nature, step into her authentic voice, and reject the perfectionist trap of having to carry everyone else’s burdens. She also highlights the distinct weight of emotional and verbal abuse, explaining how those harmful voices often linger long after physical safety has been established.

The conversation offers crucial insights for adults, churches, and caregivers who support youth from hard places. Dr. Mary Ann advocates for mandatory trauma-informed training for children’s ministry leaders and emphasizes the importance of ongoing support for adoptive families well beyond adoption day. She encourages listeners—especially those navigating past trauma—to reject isolation, establish healthy boundaries with friends and family, and lean on safe community, prayer, and professional support to experience true, directional healing.

About the Guest

Dr. Mary Ann McMillan is a former foster youth, adoptee, speaker, and author who is passionate about integrating spiritual formation with therapeutic insight. Placed in foster care at five months old and later adopted alongside her sister at age six, she offers honest, theologically rooted conversations around adoption, foster care, orphan care reform, and human rights. Dr. Mary Ann is the author of Bridging Resilience: A Guide to Healing and regularly speaks at churches, universities, and conferences.

In This Episode

• Redefining resilience as a lifelong journey of healing rather than an obligation to be tough or carry burdens alone.
• The pressure adoptees face from the “strong” label and how embracing softness and vulnerability fosters emotional wholeness.
• The lasting impact of verbal and emotional abuse compared to physical trauma, and the process of replacing lingering lies with truth.
• Why churches and children’s ministry leaders need trauma-informed training to create safe, supportive environments for foster and adoptive families.

Resources + Links

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Foster Parents, check with your agency to see if listening to this podcast will count toward your foster care training hours!