Like so many families, Eric and Diana Powell entered into adoption with the best intentions. After their first international adoption from Thailand, they quickly started the paperwork for their second, knowing that the process is often long and fraught with delays.
What they couldn’t know is that the next few years of their adoption journey would include physical aggression, episodes of emotional dysregulation, marriage tension, a phenomenon known as “blocked care”, and an overwhelming sense of isolation. During this challenging period, they often didn’t know where to turn next or what to do to help their family heal and connect.
Blocked care is a response that can occur when a person rejects your attempts to provide for them, no matter how loving or compassionate those attempts may be. Over time, this pattern can lead to feelings of rejection, hostility, anxiety, and even compassion fatigue in the caregiver.
Eric and Diana’s story has been one of incredible challenges, but it is also one of tremendous growth. Today, the Powells are passionate about being a listening ear for others on their fostering or adoption journey.
In this episode, they explain how they learned what blocked care is and how to navigate it, the importance of finding a supportive community as a foster or adoptive parent, where to find hope when reality doesn’t match your expectations, and much more.
TAKEAWAYS FROM TODAY’S CONVERSATION:
1. Our expectations often don’t match reality.
Sadly, the reality is that we cannot always know the full extent of what our foster and adoptive children have been through. In many cases, the information is limited or even nonexistent. It’s important to try not to fill in the gaps with idealistic hopes. The best way we can prepare for a child to enter our home, whether that be permanently or temporarily, is to educate ourselves on the types of responses that trauma can cause, and to have a strong support system around us. There are some circumstances you can’t prepare for, but when you have the right knowledge, resources, and people on your side, it’s easier to greet challenges with grace.
“Our expectation was that she wants this family, we want this family. It’s going to be beautiful.”
2. Blocked care impacts our ability to offer compassion.
In this episode, Diana vulnerably shared how she experienced blocked care and how this difficult state chipped away at her ability to continue to try and connect with her daughter. If you are experiencing blocked care, one of the first things you need to do is start caring for yourself. Seek out the help of a trusted counselor, turn to Jesus, and make sure you are not neglecting your needs.
“When we try to show compassion and it’s blocked on the receiving end, that then shuts down our desire, our ability, our capacity to even offer that compassion and love.”
3. Identify your circle of care.
In addition to having safety plans for specific situations, it’s important to make sure you have people in place who can bring you meals, babysit if you need a night out, or even come to your house at 2 a.m. to sit with you when you have a bad night. Knowing that you have a support network of people who can help your family and be there for you no matter what is key for avoiding burnout as a foster or adoptive parent.
“When something bad happened, we felt empowered—because we knew what to do.”
Meet Our Guest
Eric and Diana Powell are two-time international adoptive parents. Their journey has been one of incredible challenges and growth, including battling difficult behaviors and trauma in moments of deep uncertainty. After years of struggle, the Powells found healing and community through the Replanted Conference. Today, they lead a Replanted Small Group in their city to encourage over 16 families. Eric and Diana are passionate about being a listening ear for others on their fostering or adoption journey. They love Thai food, traveling, and taking long walks together.
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