Since May is National Foster Care Awareness Month, I will be bringing you stories every week from the various perspectives of the foster care community—agency workers, foster parents, vulnerable adults, and children.
Will I be able to protect my biological children?
Do I need to keep the natural birth order of my biological children intact in order to foster successfully?
I’ve heard that children are resilient, so do I need to worry about my biological children?
I’ve heard questions like these from many in the foster care community, and I remember asking some of them myself when we first started the process of becoming foster parents.
Just as much as a new placement brings up challenging emotions for children in foster care, the same is true for our biological children. However, there isn’t as big of a focus on supporting biological children as they navigate the transition of welcoming new children into your home and dealing with the grief when they have to say goodbye to someone they may consider their sibling.
To help us understand more about how to support our biological children as we foster is Daniela Coats. Daniela is not only a Licensed Master Social Worker, but she is also a biological child of parents who fostered and eventually adopted. So she knows firsthand the difficult emotions that many biological children face alone. Daniela and her husband live in Texas with their six children, four by adoption and two by birth.
Listen in!
(Remember: Applications are now open for YOU to become a TFI Advocate, bridging the gap between foster care agencies and churches right in your local community. This only happens twice a year! Learn more and apply here.)
TAKEAWAYS FROM TODAY’S CONVERSATION:
1. The challenges of foster care affect everyone in a family.
In any outcome, everyone will be affected by the process, from the child in foster care to the biological parents to the foster parents to any biological children of the foster parents. There are challenging emotions and transitions everyone has to navigate and adjust to. These effects are not necessarily bad, but it’s important that we don’t ignore the challenges of the transition. If you have biological children, we don’t want them to go unseen in the midst of difficult adjustments.
“Everyone was affected. I was. My parents were. There were no winners.”
2. Expect your biological child to grieve what they have lost.
This may be your biological child grieving the changes to their routine, a loss of normalcy, less time with their parents, or even adjusting to their new role in the family due to a foster placement. Daniela shared how she experienced this change when she would wave goodbye to her dad as he left for work. With the addition of foster children, this act no longer felt as special because it had to be shared. It’s important to help your children grieve the things that are changing and find special ways to still connect with them.
“Things were hard to share.”
3. If families are healthy, children in care will be benefitted as well.
The purpose of acknowledging the needs of biological children is not to elevate your own children over foster children or to somehow say that one is more important than the other. Every member of the family needs support, attention, and care especially when going through hard transitions. If you are both a biological and foster parent, that means that we need to be spending time addressing our own needs, the needs of our biological children, and the needs of children in foster care the best that we can. (Remember: This is where a community is invaluable.) Health is a family affair and it’s important that we find ways to invest in every member of our family regardless of how long they are with us.
“It’s an honor to be in someone’s corner and to love them.”
- Learn More and Apply to Become a TFI Advocate
- Join Team 3:10
- Learn more about Samaritan Ministries
- Connect with Daniela on Instagram and Facebook
- Click here to see Daniela’s upcoming trainings or email [email protected] to host a training.
Today’s episode is sponsored by Samaritan Ministries, a community of Christians paying one another’s medical bills. It’s not insurance and there are no networks, which puts you in charge of your health care. It’s Biblical, affordable, and you can join anytime of the year.
Meet Our Guest
Daniela Coats is a Licensed Master Social Worker, adoptive parent, and biological child to parents who fostered and adopted. She launched With Siblings in 2022 to ensure the biological children of foster and adoptive families are supported. Daniela lives in Texas with her husband and their six children, four by adoption and two by birth.
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