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“I didn’t know what was happening and for the first few years, I feel like I just disassociated from what was happening.” – Darien Karenbauer
It is always an honor to share the stories of those who have experienced placement in foster care in their life. For many children, entering foster care is extremely confusing and can come as a shock as they when they don’t understand how it works, who they can rely on, or where they’ll call home.
My guest today is Darien Karenbauer. Darien is a former foster youth and transracial adoptee who spent six years in the foster care system from ages 10 to 17. He experienced two failed adoptions and even lived in a detention facility (because a home couldn’t be found for him) before he was ultimately adopted at 17 years old.
In this episode, Darien shares his experience of entering foster care with little-to-no knowledge of how the system worked. Though that experience threw him into survival mode, he would eventually be able to build relationships because someone was willing to invest in his well-being before even meeting him.
I am so grateful to be sharing Darien’s story with you!
TAKEAWAYS FROM TODAY’S CONVERSATION:
1. Entering the foster care system can throw you into survival mode.
Even if you have some idea of how the foster care system works, it is a jarring experience to leave everything you have ever known and have to start over. It can be hard to build relationships or keep friends when you are constantly moving from home-to-home. Children in foster care often find themselves just waiting for the next shoe to drop.
“I really feel like I raised myself.”
2. Your time and consistency goes a long way.
There are things foster parents can do to make the process of building trust easier. In Darien’s story, a significant moment was when someone was willing to drive six hours so that he didn’t have to wait until after the weekend to come “home.” This showed him that they would go to great lengths for him which earned his trust.
“I think I felt that from the first day which made me open up to them so much.”
3. Be patient.
There is so much that children in foster care may have gone through before they enter your home. The best thing you can do is be patient and have a willingness to try to understand and lead with empathy as much as you can. Even just being willing to sit with them in their confusion or silence can go a long way to earn their trust.
“They could love you to death and not be able to show it because they are scared.”
- Connect with Darien on Instagram
- Apply to Become a TFI Advocate
- Join Team 3:10
Meet Our Guest
Darien Karenbauer is a former foster youth, transracial adoptee, an Emergency Medical Technician, and a father. He regularly shares his story in order to activate and empower others to serve vulnerable youth and families. Darien hopes his testimony will break down stereotypes associated with youth who grew up in the foster care system and point people to Jesus for healing.
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