When you decide to become a foster parent, you are asked a wide range of questions about what kind of placements you are willing to accept. What ages will you take? What ages won’t you take? Are there any special needs you will or won’t be able to accommodate? What about sibling groups?
Even when your agency is doing their best to reach out to you about children that fit your criteria, the reality is that sometimes all of the information about a child is simply not known. They may not know the specific behaviors a child presents, every piece of their history, or additional challenges that you may face. There are times where, despite everyone’s best intentions, a placement needs to be disrupted, which can be a decision filled with guilt, shame, and deep heartache.
My guest today has firsthand experience navigating a placement disruption and all the emotions that come along with it. Kamrie Smith is a mom to three biological children and a current foster mom to one. In total, she and her husband have fostered 21 children over the years. She is a founding committee member of Foster Montana, an organization that provides support to children entering foster care and the families who say “yes” to them.
In this episode, you’ll hear why it can be challenging to navigate a placement that feels like it isn’t going well, how to navigate the emotional aftermath of a disruption, how to make peace with the difficult decision of accepting or denying a potential placement, and more.
- Connect with Foster Montana on Facebook or at their website
- Child Bridge
- [BLOG] Questions You Should Ask When You Get Your First Placement Call
- Give to The Forgotten Initiative
- Foster Care & the Church
TAKEAWAYS FROM TODAY’S CONVERSATION:
1. We can’t always know the whole story.
While every effort is made to gather the most complete data on a child, the reality is that many of the details can be unavailable or sometimes incomplete. In some circumstances, there are additional complexities that weren’t expected or anticipated, making it hard for a family to continue with the placement.
“Just because you have to disrupt once does not mean you’re not meant to be a foster parent.”
2. Give yourself grace.
It’s important to check in with yourself and carefully consider how you are adjusting to a placement. Secondary trauma is very common in the foster care community and you may not know how a certain placement will affect you ahead of time. Remember that we have limits and cannot do all things or be the Savior. That is God’s role.
“I don’t want to be the reason to add to a child’s trauma that I’m trying to help. But I also came to the conclusion that she can sense my tension and that I’m uncomfortable and maybe this isn’t what’s best for her either.”
3. God has a plan for every child.
The disruption of a placement is never a decision to be made lightly. And when that decision is made, it is not uncommon to struggle with guilt and shame. You may feel as though you contributed to their trauma or that you failed. You may, like Kamrie, wonder if you will ever be able to foster again. We can’t know the ultimate outcome in every situation, but we can trust that God is good and He is the author of these children’s stories. Always.
“I was afraid of failing again.”
Meet Our Guest
Kamrie Smith is a foster mom who has been a first responder for 10 years and who also leads an ambulance service. She is a founding committee member of Foster Montana, an organization that provides support to children entering foster care and the families who say “yes” to them. She is married to her rancher husband, Brandon, and is a mom to three biological children and a current foster mom to one. In total, 21 children have come through Kamrie and Brandon’s door through foster care.
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