Content / Trigger Warning: This episode does contain mentions and descriptions of abuse, neglect, and sexual abuse. If any of this may be triggering for you, we recommend you either listen carefully, listen with someone else, or you may even consider skipping this episode.
Unfortunately, so many children who enter foster care have experienced some terrible things in their lives. The U.S. Department of Health and Human Services reported that in 2022, children entered foster care for the following reasons:
- 62% due to neglect
- 33% due to drug abuse
- 13% due to physical abuse
- 6% due to alcohol abuse
- 4% due to sexual abuse
These are just a few of the circumstances that cause removal, and they total to over 100% because these challenges are not mutually exclusive.
My guest for this conversation knows this all too well. Destini McAlister experienced neglect and abandonment while she was still an infant. She would then go on to experience sexual abuse and rejection throughout her foster care journey.
Although Destini’s journey was filled with hardship, her story is one of hope.
In this episode, you’ll hear how God was guiding Destini’s steps throughout her journey, the importance of processing the past, how hope can be found even in the darkest of stories, and much more.
- Connect with Destini through her Instagram, Facebook, or email
- [BOOK] Set Free: A Childhood Memoir
- Give to The Forgotten Initiative
- Foster Care & the Church
TAKEAWAYS FROM TODAY’S CONVERSATION:
1. Jesus cares deeply for these children.
It’s so easy to wish we could leap to the defense of every single struggling child and single-handedly change the world. While this is a noble goal, we cannot be a savior for everyone. It’s only when we are humble enough to recognize that we are NOT the Savior that we can clearly see Jesus’ hand at work throughout every story. We are called to be His hands and feet in the world—but at the same time, we must remember that only Jesus can provide the ultimate healing, hope, and salvation.
“I don’t know where I’m going next, but I felt very strongly that God was paving the way.”
2. Every child needs someone to advocate for them.
As we heard in Destini’s story, the heart and principle behind kinship care can be a wonderful solution for many children—but in her story, kinship care was the very circumstance that put her back into the home of her abuser. Every story is different, and children need people who will advocate for what is best for their specific situation. It’s often not until they have someone who will speak up for them that they can realize a relationship or a behavior is inappropriate.
“It took someone else stepping in and advocating for me.”
3. We need to take the time to process our grief.
For many children in foster care, feelings of anger, sadness, rejection, and grief are not fully processed in the moment. Rather than facing their feelings, they shut them away into a dark corner of their mind. While this may help in the immediate moment, at some point, they will need to open the door and let those feelings out. When feelings are not dealt with, they often get projected onto our relationships with the people around us.
“It’s not healthy to always talk about your past and to dwell on it, but it’s also not healthy to never talk about it.”
Meet Our Guest
Destini McAlister is a former foster youth, an adoptee, and a foster, adoptive, and biological parent. She is passionate about sharing her story to help others find healing and to raise awareness about foster care and adoption. Abandoned as an infant and later placed into foster care at the age of twelve after years of abuse, Destini’s journey was filled with hardship, but her story is one of hope. At 17, she asked her foster family to adopt her, proving that even older youth still need love, security, and belonging. Destini’s story is a testament to the power of family, faith, and resilience. Today, Destini is a wife of 21 years and mother of four wonderful children.
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