Have you ever had a foster placement or adoption plan fall through? Initially, you feel excited about the prospect of welcoming another child into your home. You start gathering things you think the child may need. Clothes. Toys. School supplies. But then you get another call that the plan is being changed. On one hand, you’re grateful there’s still a plan to keep the child safe, but on the other hand you feel a deep sense of loss and grief.
Learning to hold multiple conflicting emotions is a core part of foster care. All along the journey, we are holding both joy and grief. Beauty and hardship. Holding on and letting go.
My guest today knows precisely what this feels like. Melissa McGilliard has been married to Chris for sixteen years and is a stay-at-home mom to their three boys, the youngest of which joined their family through foster care.
In this episode, Melissa shares some of the raw emotions she has experienced as a foster parent, why better understanding herself has helped her better support her adopted child, and the importance of allowing your heart to hold conflicting emotions.
- Episode 1: How It All Began
- Follow Melissa on Instagram or Facebook
- Give to The Forgotten Initiative
- Foster Care & the Church
TAKEAWAYS FROM TODAY’S CONVERSATION:
1. You have permission to grieve what could have been.
Pain and joy can exist together simultaneously. As you experience those conflicting emotions, it’s important to welcome them. Whenever possible, try to find other foster and adoptive parents in your community who understand what you’re going through and are a safe place to express what you are feeling.
“I had two beautiful children then that I wasn’t giving my full attention to because I was grieving this other, but I didn’t know how to express that.”
2. Heavy emotions can make us want to withdraw.
When the going gets hard, our natural response may be to withdraw and protect our hearts from ever experiencing that pain and loss again; however, it’s important to remember that what we do has a significant impact on the life of that child. They are hurting and need a safe place where they can know they are loved, encouraged, and can thrive. When we feel ourselves wanting to withdraw, this is a signal to draw closer to that child in a time they need it most.
“Getting in my head kept me from having to feel that emotion.”
3. The pain of the journey does not take away the hope we carry.
Our role in the foster care community is not an easy one. So why do we continue to do this over and over again? The answer is simple: We know this is what Jesus does for us. He provides us with a home when we don’t have one. He heals our wounds through a relationship with Him. And He brings us into His family and gives us a new identity. This work is full of days that are painful and show you the brokenness of the world, but it is also filled with days of hope, healing, and joy.
“This life can be more complicated, but it is also so rich and so beautiful.”
Meet Our Guest
Melissa McGilliard is a foster parent, adoptive parent, and stay-at-home mom to three boys – one of which came to their family through foster care. Melissa was born and raised in the Seattle area and lives there with her family today. She has been married to Chris for sixteen years, loves Jesus, and loves people.
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