Episode 79: Managing It All: Family, Marriage, and Work

2. Say no.

Even with systems in place, if you have too much on the calendar and are overcommitted, it’s a challenge. You have to start by limiting your commitments. 

Let your yes be yes and your no, no. It’s okay to be picky with your time and have boundaries. This isn’t just for families with a lot of children. You can be just as busy with one. Your choices impact your level of busy. While this could feel overwhelming, Denise shares that it’s actually empowering. She has learned to make the decisions that work best for her family, instead of saying yes out of obligation or guilt. 

3. Be intentional to connect.

It’s okay (and good!) to clock out from your duties as the parent so that you can nurture your relationship with your spouse. By setting specific times for Mom and Dad only, you model the importance of marriage. For Denise, her ‘clocking out’ time varies, so she gives the family a heads up for when it’s coming. If someone needs help with homework or has something they want to talk about, they know they need to ask before then. And once Mom and Dad are clocked out, unless it’s something super urgent, the kids know not to interrupt. This helps Denise and Bruce stay connected regularly.

To connect as a family, gathering around the dinner table is important. It’s a time to share and listen by asking each person their high and low of the day. This encourages conversation, whereas when you ask a child how their day was right when they walk in the door, they might not be ready to share. It also helps to make sure each child—even the quiet one—has space to share and is heard. It doesn’t always go perfectly, but structure and consistency are key. 

Find everyday opportunities to connect. Don’t wait for the “perfect” time. Grab hold of everyday moments. Send a text, leave a note, or pick up something special while you’re already at the store to let your child or spouse know they are seen and loved. 

4. Give yourself permission to breathe.

In the midst of caring for everyone else, don’t neglect yourself. You can’t pour anything out if you have nothing to begin with. Take care of your soul. This goes back to saying no to good opportunities that aren’t right for you. If you’re at capacity, don’t add more, whether that’s people, or activities. Find ways to serve that don’t take as much emotional energy; it might be the difference between saying yes to serving in the nursery at church rather than leading a small group that will take more time.

If you are already overcommitted, start looking for ways to step back. You are not stuck. You can breathe. No matter what your family looks like or what roles you hold, you can carve out time for yourself. God doesn’t call you to live an exhausted, exasperated life. Step back. Shake it up. Cancel the plans if needed, but then develop a long game. Think through how you can run at a sustainable pace. Ask the Lord to show you your next step towards peace, so you can be the kind of wife, mom, and friend that you want to be. 

RESOURCES FROM TODAY’S SHOW

Embrace, a foster care and adoption ministry in the North Texas region
Large Family Logistics by Kim Brenneman
Family Feasts for $75 a Week by Mary Osten
A Sane Women’s Guide to Raising a Large Family by Mary Osten

MORE RESOURCES FOR YOU

The TFI Story
Who Loves Series
Find a TFI Advocate Near You
Become a TFI Advocate

We hope this episode has helped you wherever you are on your foster care journey. That’s the goal! If so, will you tell others?

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