Episode 66: Traditional Parenting Vs. Trauma-Informed Parenting: Pursuing Connection with Your Child

3 TAKEAWAYS FROM TODAY’S SHOW

1. First, Help Your Child Regulate His Emotions

Many things can trigger the brains of our children with trauma backgrounds and cause them—without thinking—to run to survival mode (fight, flight, or freeze.) Our #1 job as parents is to help our children regulate their emotions to a place of calm so that learning and healing can begin. Parenting this way can look like spoiling or enabling if you’re looking at it through the traditional parenting lens, but as a trauma-informed parent, you are building trust, intentionally. This is your first priority.

2. Take Away the Power of Negative Behaviors

Let’s say your child stole a candy bar and you found out. Don’t give them the opportunity to lie. Instead of asking, “Did you steal the candy bar?”, say something like, “I know you took the candy bar; now we are going to make it right.” This helps alleviate the crazy cycle that often happens when you catch a child in a lie, and they refuse to admit the truth. Deborah Gray says it this way, “What you are doing isn’t working. The negative isn’t working.” This doesn’t negate consequences, but instead, it takes away the power of the lie and puts the focus back on connection and provides a road to healing.

3. Pursue Connection with Your Child

As we consider our relationship with our children, we can learn from our Father, God’s relationship with us. How often do we push Him away, rebel, question His authority, or fight Him? And yet, He pursues us. He loves us. He waits for us, for as long as it takes. He is the ultimate Pursuer. And He loves our children even more than we do. Let’s learn from Him, lean on His strength and consistently pursue the children He has given to us.