It’s not uncommon for children impacted by foster care or adoption to desire to find answers, know where they came from, and understand the reason their life has looked the way it has. It can lead many children to question their identity or even wonder if they will ever find a sense of peace at all.
Anna Bernacki grew up in an adoptive home after being placed in foster care as an infant. As a teenager, she began to long for that special biological bond she felt would come from her biological parents. But after meeting her biological mother, Anna was disappointed to find that in her experience, that special connection she had longed for was still missing.
It wasn’t until Anna and her husband, Brian, were foster parents for six years and then adoptive parents to two sibling sets of two (four adoptive children in total!) that she would find healing and come to terms with the identity she carried outside of biological connection.
I really enjoyed my conversation with Anna and appreciated her openness about her story and experiences. I hope you do too!
TAKEAWAYS FROM TODAY’S CONVERSATION:
1. It’s natural to long for answers.
As children impacted by foster care or adoption grow up, it’s normal to have a desire to uncover answers to who they are and why they were placed in care. It can feel deeply like finding these answers will bring peace and help answer the question of who they are (which is the case for some children!). It’s important to have open conversation when children in our care express interest in their past, and we should strive to simply be a steady presence if they choose to pursue those answers as they get older.
“It’s okay to love your adoptive family and long to know where you come from.”
2. The search for identity can be emotionally confusing.
In Anna’s experience, the moment of meeting her biological mom didn’t match up with the moment she had expected or imagined. This left her feeling very confused about how to feel about her story, her biological family, and her adoptive family. It’s important to offer support and understanding as they navigate these confusing feelings that can come up.
“I spent a lot of time, a lot of wasted time, wanting and hoping and dreaming for this thing that didn’t exist.”
3. God cares about our hurts and struggles.
God does not leave us alone in our hurt or confusion. He is walking with us through it all, and He cares about our experience. In Anna’s story, the challenging experience she walked through was used by God to help her see that she had identity in the adoptive family who loved her and the family she was supporting with her husband as well. This was a healing realization for her.
“It gave me permission to stop and allow God to heal me too.”
- Connect with Anna on Instagram
- Join Team 3:10
Meet Our Guest
Anna Bernacki is an adopted child, stay-at-home mom, foster parent, and adoptive parent.. Anna and her husband, Brian, have concluded their time as foster parents and are phasing into an advocacy role. They live outside of Chicago on a secluded piece of land where they are creating a suburban homestead complete with chickens.
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