When You’re Struggling to See Through the Hard in Foster Care

By January 6, 2020 Blog

The hard in foster care is real. So real. As much as we all work to try and create clarity and play on the same team, it sometimes feels like the misunderstandings, miscommunication, and conflict will never end—like we’re just moving from one hard situation to another. It’s exhausting!

And if we’re being real—I sometimes wish I could choose anger, unkind words, and a negative attitude.

Have you felt this, too? Or are you currently feeling this?

When you’re in the middle of this—when all you can see is the current hard situation you are trying to work through and when it feels like only more difficult moments lay ahead—how are you supposed to choose joy, kind words, and a positive attitude?!

I can tell you it’s not in my own strength, because my strength is currently lacking.

But, I will tell you what has helped me through this past really hard week.

Jesus and my people.

The only way we can make it to and through the next difficult moment is to set our eyes on Truth—Jesus. He speaks with wisdom, kindness, and love. When we see through Jesus’ view, we see things so much differently. Our perspective begins to shift. We start thinking less about ourselves and can see the bigger picture. That doesn’t mean we won’t still struggle, but it does give us understanding, strength, and hope through it all.

Maybe you’re not in a place to seek Jesus on your own—oh friend, I get it. I have had those days myself, especially recently, and THAT is where your people come in.

I am so thankful for people who fill this role in my life, including my mom. She is a wise, godly woman. She has given me advice and counsel, but also challenged and loved me through this journey. I believe, as we serve in foster care and other areas of ministry, we all need at least one person on the journey with us like my mom. You need your Jesus-loving-friends to stand strong for you and see everything from the outside in. They need to be willing to hear all your thoughts, fears, and feelings without judgment, validate that which is true, and then challenge you with the view and love of Jesus.

My encouragement to you is to find your people. It may be a spouse, friend, counselor, pastor, or even your parent.

It’s important for this person to:

  1. Love Jesus.
  2. Be willing to challenge and say the hard things, even if it’s uncomfortable.
  3. Keep information confidential. We are dealing with foster care here.
  4. Validate you but also help you see the other points-of-view from those involved.
  5. Love and care for you well.

Again, foster care is hard, but it doesn’t have the be the thing that takes us down! It can be something the Lord uses to draw us closer to him. Together with Jesus and our people, we CAN continue through the hard of foster care.

I’m thankful to be on this journey with you, friends!

Jillian Kellenberger

Jillian has a passion for reaching out and loving others. She began serving with TFI in college after learning more about the foster care community. Jillian is passionate about seeing the Church mobilized to serve and step into the lives of those affected by foster care. As a new foster mom, she is currently relying on donuts, coffee, and JESUS!

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